Script:
Advice Columnist and Cooking Queen Bernie Hershberger.
Dear Bernie,
My husband and I have been together for 10 years. I've noticed lately that when I make a meal he mixes each food item together and eats it as one big pile of slop. I am offended by this and when I tell him so we end up fighting and then we don't speak for the rest of the night. I think I have the right to cook a meal and ask that it be eaten properly. Am I being a difficult wife?
Sincerely,Lost in Mashed Potatoes
Dear LMP or also known as LUMP,
My advice comes in the form of a song. Please be advised that I don't care about your personal emotions.
I have a lump in my breastI have a lump in a potatoDoes it really matterWe're all going to die
Tell your husband that he's stupidWhile your at it cut his dill offCome on over to my houseWe'll have a vodka smirnoff
I don't care about your lifeI don't care about your lifeI don't care about your lifeI think your a stupid wife
Mix it all around Jump it up and downThrow some carrots at his headDecorate his eyebrows
Suck his corn and toot his forkRub his face with raw porkWhen it all comes down to itYour just going to end up pooing it
I don't care about your lifeI don't care about your lifeI don't care about your lifeI think your a stupid wife
jesnhardy 